Heading Home
by Miss Stanley
Summary: Bella left her best friends to move to Arizona, years later she is forced to come back. But she isn't the same Bella. Now they want to know what happened so many years ago that made her cease all contact, especially Edward. Mature/ Dark Themes. AH.
1. Prologue

**A/N: Okay, So I'm attempting this new story. I guess it's angsty or dark or whatever. It has cutting, some drug use. It has refrences to rape, I mean I don't have any like....rape scenes or anything, but its a big part of the story. And No, it is not Edward who rapes her. It does have graphic cutting though, I guess. So don't read if you can't do that sort of thing, but really I don't think its that bad. Review because I like to know what you're thinking, good or bad I don't care. If you hate it and think its horrible, tell me. If you like it and want more...tell me. I've already got 3 more chapters written out. Ready to post. If people like it. **

**I also Don't own Twlight....that's all Stephenie Meyer. **

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"One, two, three.....one, two, three.....one, two, three..." I repeated over and over again, slowly piercing my skin with the razor blade.

The blood oozed out easily. It always did. I used to grow dizzy at the sight of blood, the smell, but now it was the most inviting thing ever. I loved bleeding, when it was on my own terms anyway. It gave me a sort of high. I can't explain it right. But it felt as if I was detached from my body in a way, yet I could still feel the pain, but all the emotions were gone. I was numb, until the sting begun. But even then it kept most emotions away because of the pain. For now I only felt content, and proud. I succeeded in my mission.

I sucked in a deep breath, reveling in the feeling of the numbness. This was my favorite part. Just sitting on the bathroom floor, letting my body bleed. The floor was painted red now, my thighs soaked in the sticky substance.

I took in another breath, loving the smell of the coppery blood I used to hate. I don't know when it changed really, maybe I had grown accustomed to it.

"Bella? Honey, are you okay? You've been in there quite a while..." My mother, Renee's voice, brought me out of my bubble of pleasure.

I sighed.

"Yeah, Fine. Be out in a minute, this turd is massive." I replied.

I didn't hear anything after that, so I assumed she had moved on. I started to feel like familiar stinging on my thighs. "ughhhh" I groaned. The pain. This wasn't my favorite part, but I liked it just fine. It was inevitable.

I pulled my self off the floor, that was now soaked in my blood. I sighed. This was the worst, and least favorite part: the clean-up.

I pulled my designated 'blood towel' out of the back of the cabinet under the sink. I ran it in some water, gently running it over my thighs. My breath caught and a sucked in a big gulp of air. Fucking Hell that hurt.

After cleaning of my self, a soaked up the floor, making sure to get every trace of red. I pulled out a pink and black zebra print case and slid my razor blade into it, laying next my baggy of coke and joints. Picking up my towel, I threw it back into the cabinet.

Making sure I was presentable, I smoothed out my clothes and headed out of the bathroom.

"Bella, dear, I'm going out tonight with Bebe and Margaret. Phil will be here though. I told him ya'll can rent a movie or watch Pay per view if you want." my mother stopped me from entering my room.

"No mom, that won't be necessary. I'm just gonna go to bed early. Have fun with Bebe and Marge, okay?" I kissed her cheek, turning my door knob.

"Okay sweetie." She hugged me before turning around.

Once in my room, I shut the door proceeding to slide down it. I pulled my knees up to my face and held myself together letting the sobs rack my body. I was home...alone....with Phil.

And it was if he heard my mind think his name, because at that moment he banged loudly on the door, " Bellllllaaa, come out and playyyy."


	2. Sweet Escape

**A/N: So here is the 1st real Chapter. It's short, but it kind of goes with the Prologue. They get longer, Promise. I just got another chapter written, so I have 3 more to post. Every time I post I'm going to write another chapter before I post agian. To keep it all up. Edward isn't coming in to play yet. Bella needs to get there first. Review please, helps me write quicker. And tell me about any mistakes.**

"Bella? Honey are you awake?" I woke up to my moms low knock on my door.

"Shit! Move Bella!" Phil whispered harshly, pushing me over on the other side of the bed. He stumbled around, pulling all his clothes off the floor before bolting into my closet.

"Yeah mom, I'm awake." I muttered, pulling the comforter over my naked form.

She entered my room, which really annoyed me. Had I given her permission to enter? No. Did she ask? NO! Just because I'm awake doesn't mean you are free to enter whenever you please mother! Maybe I don't want to talk to you. Maybe I hate you for your choice in men, and lack of being able to see what's right in front of you!

"Hun, have you seen Phil? I looked everywhere for him." She looked curiously at my half closed closet. YES MOM! Look inside of it! See what's going on! It's your subconscious, you know already.

"Uhm, yeah. I think he walked down to the store. Something about donuts." I murmured.

"Oh okay. Well I just got back from Marge's, whew! We passed out on the couch, exhausted. Old women shouldn't go out drinking Martini's all night." She giggled.

That, right there, is when I decided my mother was completely unfit. She was not supposed to be a mother. I decided in that moment that I officially hated her. She went out and got wasted, while I got to be abused and defiled and degraded. I was not the one that should have been with Phil last night, but she went out. So I had to take her place. I swore in that moment, whenever she was out having a good time, I would be gone to. She was so oblivious. It was right in front of her damn face! For years. She had to see it, to know, to feel it, after all this fucking time. But if she did, she didn't care. I was her stand in. Not her daughter. She was not a mother. She was not MY mother. She was a fucking twit that should have been barren. I should have gone to some other couple who would take care of kids right.

"Something wrong Bella?" she spoke.

"No mom, why would something be wrong?" You just get to go party with friends while I get raped by your husband, what's wrong with that?

"Oh Okay! You just had this look, maybe you need more sleep." She concluded.

Ditz. I told you.

She closed my door, and I waited a few minutes until I heard the shower running full blast and then collapsed back onto the bed. The ceiling caught my interest. I slightly heard my closet door open before Phil overtook my vision.

"Bella. I'll make you come someday. Just wait." He traced my jaw lightly.

"No. Never."

"Why not Bella! You do you fight it so hard? It's sex!" He tightened his grip on my jaw.

I tore away from his grip hopping out of bed, wrapping the sheets around me. "It's not sex. It's rape." I replied simply before opening my door, motioning with my hand for him to get out.

He stormed over to me hand raised and ready.

"Mom will be done in a few minutes, and you still have to get donuts. I suggest you don't do that." I whispered dangerously.

His hand fell as quickly as it had come up. He huffed before walking down the hall. "Just you wait Isabella. You'll learn to love it."

I snorted. It's been 3 years. I doubt I'd learn to love it if I hadn't already. I would never love it. I couldn't. I was a virgin in my mind. I had never willingly given my body to anyone, so in my opinion, I was untouched, a holy virgin, pure. If I had an...orgasm...that would change things.

Slowly I walked towards my dresser, pulling out a white bra and boy-shorts. After I dressed in those, I pulled out a pair of black yoga pants and a pink tank. Before opening the door, I pulled out my pink and black zebra case and stuffed it in my pocket.

"Where are you going?" My mom shouted at me as I bound threw the front door. I didn't bother with an answer. Why should I anymore? I ran about a mile down the street until I found the turn that led into a small patch of trees. Behind those trees sat an all to familiar green picnic table.

I thrust my case onto the table, quickly opening it. Bag of coke, razor blade. Perfect. I slowly cut the coke up, making a massive rock star line on the table. Yes! This is what I needed. Okay, where did I put those tampons? UNDER THE TABLE! I quickly dove for the box of Tampax I kept hidden at the site.

I tore off the tube and stuck it to the coke, snorting, letting the fine crystals work their way up into my nose. I started feeling the effects. I was dizzy, and high, and oh so so happy. Numb. I slowly fished my finger into the baggy , swiping any extra coke, and bringing to my mouth. It instantly numbed my gums.

ahhhh, sweet escape.


	3. Dad, I want to Live with Dad

**A/N: Okay here is Chapt 2. I've finished another chapter, I have 3 more ready to post. So I'll post agian when I have written another Chapter. Reviews make me write faster and better! If you have any questions ask me. Edward doesn't come in until the chapter after next....If I remember right. But there is the story behind him and Bella in the next chapter. THIS IS AN EDWARD AND BELLA STORY don't worry. That rhymed.**

**Disclaimer: My name is Natalie. Not Stephenie Meyer.**

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I came home just as it was getting dark. I hadn't thought what to tell Renee, I hadn't really thought at all. That's kind of the point spending the whole day getting high and sliced up. I might have drunk my stash of Vodka too....I was super messed up. But I couldn't stay out.

I'd been fucked up before and she didn't notice, so why should she now?

I swung open the front door, tripping a little over the metal plate.

"Isabella Marie Swan! Where have you been!" My mother yelled as soon as I walked in.

Oops. So she chooses NOW to be observant? Great.

"Heyyyy mommy. I just, yeah. I went...uhm.." At the end I dissolved into giggles.

She took 3 steps toward me, looking into my eyes.

"Are you high Bella? Have you been drinking?" She asked incredulously.

Gah! You got to be kidding me?! She never noticed nor cared before. Why now?!

"Gah! You got to be kidding me?! You never noticed nor cared before. Why now?!" Brain filter alert, brain filter alert.

Comprehension flashed on her face. "You've done this before Bella? You're on drugs!" She yelled, yanking my arms, making me stumble back.

I stuck my face in hers, mockingly. "Yes mommy, what the fuck are you gonna do bout it? You actually give a shit? I've been getting high for years you dumbass!" I slurred.

A sharp sting came across my face. I flinched back in suprise....then I laughed. I laughed so fucking hard I fell to the ground. Dissolved into a ball of giggles, I had tears streaming down my face.

"You're insane." She stated simply.

This made me laugh harder.

"hhhaa...Am...ahhhh....I....hhaaaaaa....._mommy!? _hhahhhaah" I cried out.

I crawled to the stairs, but not before being pulled to my feet.

"Where do you think you're going?!" My mother was furious.

"I have to pee _mommy. _Alcohol kind of does that to you, you should know." I said condescendingly.

"I don't know what's gotten into you Isabella, I'm going to pass it off as the alcoholic, and....other substances." She let go of me, so I could walk up the stairs.

Ha! She can't even bring herself to say drugs! Truth was though, even if I wasn't fucked up right now, I probably would have had the same attitude towards her after what happened this morning.

After falling up the stairs...it was more of that than walking. I eventually made it up to the bathroom and took out my case. Razor, Razor, pretty Razor. My last memory was of pulling off my pants and deforming my long legs even more. Blood slowly trickling out....

_I was sitting in a woman's lap. She was young, and had brown hair. I was a baby, cooing at her, until something else caught my attention. A baby boy, looking a tad bigger than me. He had bronze hair, and piercing green eyes. I cooed at him, lightly hitting his arm with mine. He was sitting on a man's lap. The man had slick blonde hair, and was also looking at the baby in his arms. I saw another man sitting across from us, who had dark hair and a mustache. He was laughing with the lady. The baby looked up at me, with a serious expression. I tapped his arm again, and he stared at it. Now the people were looking at us curiously. The baby touched my arm, and it felt like a jolt of electricity went through us. His green eyes, met my brown ones, and he smiled. "Oh, Charlie, it looks like love." The lady who was holding me laughed. "Carlisle. Control your son." The dark haired man ordered. I was looking at the boy, I think I knew his name. I think I heard it before....it was--_

"BELLA! OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR!" Phil's voice woke me up. I don't know how long I'd been asleep, but I could feel the sticky blood I was laying in. Some how I had switched positions and my hair was now matted in red. The toilet was covered in vomit.

"FUCK BELLA! If you don't unlock the door, I'll knock it down!!" Phil screamed again. Oh no. Oh no. Oh SHIT! I tried to scramble to hide it all, but I couldn't move.

"Phil, don't. She's probably getting up right now." Renee's voice was barely audible behind the door.

"Renee, you've been saying that for 45 minutes. How long has she been in there?"

"About 3 hours." Renee whispered.

"I'm going in....I'M COMING IN BELLA!" He shouted the last part.

Shit. Fuck. Damn it.

Three loud bangs is all it took for the door to give way. There was a gasp that went along with a cry, and a very low growl. Phil of course knew I cut myself, I mean, he raped me so he saw it of course. But I tried to keep them as hidden as possible. My mother however had NO idea. and the look on her face. She had a shaking hand pressed up against her mouth, gasping, looking at the puddle of blood I lay in. I closed my eyes. Shit. Now I'm in trouble.

I tried to move, with little progress.

"Phil, call 911. Do something!" My mom panicked.

No! Don't call 911!

I shot up quickly this time, even though I was stiff and it hurt. "No mom, Don't call 911. I'm not bleeding anymore. It's okay! I swear! I won't do it again!" I yelled frantically. That was a damn lie. A big fucking lie. But she didn't need to know that.

She shook her head from side to side and abruptly left the hall. Phil, left in the opposite direction. I swept my hair up in a ponytail, so the blood wasnt' as noticeable. I continued to clean up, mopping the floor with my blood towel.

As I walked into my room, I saw my mother holding several baggies in her hand. Prescription bottles. . Razor blades. Vodka.....and condoms. Condoms that her husband used. Condoms that her husband used that were stashed in my night table. Condoms that her husband used that were stashed in my night table because he raped me. But she didn't know that. She just saw a slut, with drugs, alcohol, and sex problems. Her 17 year old daughter. She didn't see a victim. She didn't see a rape victim trying to escape through any means possible.

"How long Bella?" She whispered, eyes closed. I didn't answer.

"I said HOW LONG BELLA!" She yelled.

"Three years." I whispered.

She took in a breath. "How did I not notice this? Three years. Am I that much of a failure?"

This was it. All or nothing.

"Yes mom. You are that much a failure.", her eyes snapped up to mine, "but it's not because you never noticed my drinking, my drugs, my smoking, my cutting....that's not why. Something else has been happening for three years that you also have ignored. I think you know. You've known for awhile. You just don't want to admit it, admit wrong doing, admit wrong choices, admit that your life isn't perfect. You just don't want to be alone. So that's exactly how you left me, alone. Alone, and Broken. If you don't know what you missed, which I know you do, then you are just fucking ignorant. Actually either way you are. But at least if you truly didn't notice, you'd be innocent. But knowing about it makes you guilty. And I'll never forgive you."

Her eyes were ablaze with emotion. Then, I saw _it_. Confusion, hurt, _realization_, more hurt, guilt, and finally _indifference_. My head dropped at that. She'd decided. She'd known just as I'd suspected, but never said anything about it, and wouldn't because she loved him more than me. She didn't want to be alone.

"I don't know what you're talking about Bella. And frankly I don't care, nothing condones your behavior. Where does this leave us? You are no longer welcome in this house if you choose to be disrespectful, even to your self with these....substances." She spoke calmly now.

She didnt' care. She wanted me away. She wanted me to choose so it wouldn't be kicking me out on the streets. Save herself some some guilt, because she knows what I would choose......but I had a back up plan.

"Charlie." I said strongly.

"What?" She asked in surprise.

AHHAHHAHHA! GOTCHA! You forgot I have another parent.

"Dad," I spoke again,"I want to live with dad."

It was true. I had thought about it countless times, but I knew I couldn't. I didn't want to bring my broken self to him. He would notice. but I really had no choice now , did I?

"Okay Bella. I'll call him, I'm sure he'd love to see you again."

Yeah, what the hell ever bitch. Get me out of here.

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Later I sat on my bed reading, suddenly my book was knocked from my hands. I looked up to see Phil In his boxers. He crawled over on top of me. "Your mother has gone out with Marge. I can't believe you came home fucked up. But she didn't believe you did she? I heard what you said. But she doesn't believe it darling." He whispered.

"She believes it. She knows. She has since that first Christmas. She just doesn't care." I shrugged.

He bent down and licked my ear. " Come on Bella, we have to have our last night before you go away."

"No." I pushed him off.

He slapped me, "What did you just say!"

"I SAID NO!" I yelled back into his face. He held me down, me fighting the whole way. He smacked my face, giving me a busted lip.

My clothes began being ripped off while I was held in a death grip.

"Come on Bella, You'll love it." He cooed.

* * *

I still didn't love it that night, and hopefully I'd never have to fear loving it again.

"I still don't love it."I croaked after it was over.

He just rolled out of bed, "bitch."

I smiled, at least I still had my virginity....my definition.

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**REVIEWS GOOD OR BAD MAKE ME WRITE FASTER. THANKS FOR READING.**


	4. Leaving Hell Behind

**Okay, so I wasn't going to post this chapter til I had chapter 6 done, but I just HAD to post it. I'm like half way done with chapter 6. Thank you for my reviews and messages and alerts and faves. lol! I was so happy. Some people had a few questions. I'll answer at the bottom.**

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"Isabella. Wake up. It's time to go." My mothers voice grumbled.

My head shot up. My eyes brightened. My heart thudded once, twice, three times fast and picked up in double time. I _squealed. _Today was the day I got out of hell.

"Don't look so excited to be leaving me Bella. Your father knows nothing about your.....problems, but I assure you being police chief, he will notice if you don't straighten up. This is your problem to take care of Bella."

Of course she hadn't told him. But it wasn't for my benefit. Who wants to call up their ex husband with "Hey our daughter is being raped by my husband, and I won't do anything about it because I don't give a shit, so she cuts herself and does drugs. She has been for 3 years, but I don't give a rip, so here, wanna take her off my hands so I can hang with my rapist hubby?" I mean come on, talk about epic failure. But that's what Renee was. An epic failure. I still didn't understand really. I had to ask.

"Why? Why didn't you do anything about it. You knew that Christmas. You saw me, and the blood, and the bed....you saw the way he looked at me. You've known." I trailed off.

Renee cocked her head at me. "Bella dear, do those drugs give you hallucinations? What are you talking about?" She waved her hand in front of my face, jiggling it back and forth.

Ahhh. Fucking bitch. Manipulative bitch. That's how it was going to play out? Okay.

"Oh well. He says I'm better than you anyway. He likes it when you're gone. I'm tighter...it does piss him of when he cums before me though. I never cum. You know....because forced sex by my mother's husband doesn't turn me on. You know....rape?" I picked at my fingernails. Nonchalant. I was feeling anything but.

I heard her get up from the bed and walk towards the door.

"I love him Bella. He's all I've got. My only choice. I have to make this work. I need him Bella." She said softly, willing me to understand. And suddenly ,I did. She was just selfish. She was Renee.

I looked at her, just staring into her eyes. I felt mine flicker with sudden fury.

"You don't love him Renee. You love your self. You are incapable of loving, and for that I'm very sorry. I understand now. But that doesn't mean I will willingly release you from all the guilt." I hopped out of bed to begin packing my suitcases. I reached instinctively for my laptop and ipod, only to have ripped from my hands. I slowly turned my head, so I wouldn't break my neck doing it at the speed I wanted, to see Renee standing there...still.

I gave her a WTF look, in which she glared back at me. "Bella, your being punished. You don't get these. THESE," she waved around my favorite electronics," are a privilege. You may not pack them."

"Renee, I BOUGHT those myself. In case you do not remember. And I have done NOTHING wrong, I'm taking my stuff." I said coldly.

"Oh Bella....if you think you are taking these with you, you are delusional." She laughed. LAUGHED! At me. She laughed.

"Okay. Whatever." I rolled my eyes.

She gawked at me for a moment. Probably in awe by the fact I gave up without further argument. She thought she won. Pshhhhh. Please bitch. If she thought I was leaving my laptop and music behind, she was even dumber than I thought.

Today would be the day of my new life. No more Phil. I wasn't ready to give up my drugs just yet.I would have to be more careful with Charlie around.

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"Hope you have a safe trip hun. Call me when you get there." Renee spoke as I extracted myself and my luggage from the car.

"I'll never call you Renee." I shut the trunk. "I hope you both burn in hell." and with that I walked away, pulling out my Ipod, feeling released from my prison. I **told** her I was taking my shit.

I walked into the airport. I waited, and waited, and waited. And got checked over, and waited again. Finally I was on the plane. The plane that would take me back to Forks, WA where I haven't been since before the rapes started.

When I was born, it wasn't into a happy marriage. My parent's didnt' love each-other, and now I know why. Renee wasn't able to love anyone but herself.

So when I was one my mother decided to pack up and go South to Phoenix. I stayed with Charlie. My mother always said it was because she wanted to get on her feet, and she couldn't do that with a baby. I always thought she did it FOR me, but later I found out that she just wanted to party, be free from restrictions. I guess since she had me when she was 20, she never really got to have that party phase.

Charlie raised me, but he was never really one of those emotional people. I spent most of my time at family friends houses, especially the Cullen's. Esme had been my mother's best friend while growing up. She had been dating my fathers friend Carlisle, which is how Renee and Charlie met. Of course Esme and Carlisle ended up married also, but their marriage lasted.

Esme had a son a few months before me named Edward. Two years after that, Esme found out she wouldn't be able to fall pregnant agian. They adopted two kids, Emmett and Alice. They were the same age as Edward and I. Alice was my best friend...or had been anyway.

I also grew up with the Hales, the Cullen's neighbors. Nikita Hale wasn't the kindest lady, and probably wasn't meant for kids just like my own mother. Her husband Peter was never around, always on business trips, or so he said. They had a daughter named Rosalie who was by far the most beautiful child in Forks, probably in Washington. To bad her personality wasn't as great as her outside.

Rosalie was one of those that would sling mud just because she was jealous over your new stroller, or expensive dress.

Jasper was the Hale's son. He was Rose's twin, and the same age as the rest of us. Jasper was a quiet child. Never talked much, he was very sensitive and had a knack of knowing exactly how you felt. Alice and I were usually around him more than the others. Edward was with Emmett alot, but spent more time around me. Rosalie, well, you could expect her to be wherever Emmett was, it was kind of creepy actually.

As I grew up, I started visiting Arizona during the summer, since my mother wasn't still 'completely on her feet' to take me totally in. Charlie and I eventually grew closer. I was still best friends with the group. Well, everyone besides Rosalie. She was a major bitch. Alice was my best friend, and Edward was my best bud. When I wasn't with Alice, I was with Edward. When I was with Alice, sometimes I was STILL with Edward. We just had this bond. I can't explain it really.

He knew things, without me having to tell him. He could understand what I was feeling just by looking into my eyes, but unlike Jasper he could actually understand WHY I was feeling like that. I had to admit, I had a bit of a crush on him. Okay, MAJOR crush.

At 12 my mother decided to grace me with one of her rare phone calls. I still remember the day clearly. I was with Edward right before it happened.

_"Bella." Edward whispered. _

_I looked up into his emerald eyes, stunned. We were sitting outside my house, watching the clouds drift by. It was a rare sunny day in Forks, one that I didn't intend to waste. _

_"Yeah." I whispered back._

_He grabbed my hand, entwining his fingers with mine. My heart started beating fast, I'm sure he could hear it. _

_"Do you wonder what it's like?" _

_"Wonder what what's like?" I asked curiously._

_"Kissing. Being in love." He looked straight into my brown eyes. _

_"Well...I mean...I don't know.." I stammered. I was pretty sure I was the color of a tomato._

_He flashed me his crooked smile, eyes twinkling. _

_"Well, I do." He looked at my lips, then to my eyes. "Can I kiss you Bella?"_

_"Please." I breathed. _

_He pulled my closer to him, so that our bodies were pressed against each other. We sat there, breathing hard, just staring at the other, slowly getting closer. Our lips were almost touching when my dad burst through the front door. _

_"Bells, your mother's on the phone. She wants to talk to ya kid." _

_Edward and I immediately jumped up, and after restarting my heart, I finally had enough breath to reply. "Yeah, okay dad! Coming!"_

_His left brow shot up, at the sight of Edward and I panting. "Bella? Edward? Everything all right?"_

_"Uh, yeah. I was just...I mean, we were- just...breathing?" I squeaked. _

_"Bella, inside, phone, now." _

_As I flew through the door, I heard my father mutter something, "You better watch yourself Edward Cullen. God knows I am! I'm telling you...."_

_I stared at the phone for a moment, wondering what she had to say now. She hadn't called since I got back from Arizona over the summer. Not even on my birthday._

_"Hello? Mom?" _

_"Bella! Sweetie I missed you. I'm sorry I haven't been able to call, I've just been busy."_

_"Oh...Okay mom."_

_The line was silent for awhile. I decided to break it._

_"Was there something that you needed, mom?"_

_"What, I can't just call my own daughter?"_

_"Well, no, I mean...it's just that you don't usually call unless you have something to tell me...or something."_

_She sighed._

_"Yes, I guess you know me to well Bella. I did call you to tell you something. Something wonderful sweetie!"_

_Was she coming home? Was she going to visit me to make up for my missed birthday?_

_"Bella. I met someone! We got married last week. Oh honey, he's just amazing! We bought a house. Its big. Its great. I have furniture. He plays baseball for a living! How great is that?"_

_My heart stopped swelling as any thoughts of her coming home were dashed._

_"Oh....That's, um...That's great mom."_

_"Bella. I'm ready for you. I'm coming to get you tonight."_

That day a big part of me died. The part of my heart reserved for my friends. Finally my mother was ready for me, but now I wasn't ready for her. I liked my life. I loved my friends. And...I loved my dad.

I never got to punch Rosalie. I never got to give Emmett a noogie. I never got to give Jasper his Strokes t-shirt back. I never got to go shopping with Alice. I never got to kiss Edward. And I never got the chance to say goodbye.

As soon as I was off the phone, and Charlie found out, I had to pack. Then when I was done...she was there...with him. I was 12, but even then I knew how to feel vibes off people. Phil's vibe, was not a good one.

I sent letters to Forks every week those first 2 years. My friends took turns writing me back, but I always loved getting Edwards letters. I called Charlie everyday for awhile, then every week, then every other, then only once a month. Then I stopped calling completely once I turned 14. Once the rapes happened. I also stopped mailing letters. I stopped reading letters I received. I stopped taking Charlie's calls.

That Christmas....I was 14. I remember it so well.

_"Mom! Mom! It's Christm-Phil? Where is mom?" I stopped jumping up and down when I walked into the living room. Phil was sitting on the couch looking at all the presents._

_"Merry Christmas Bella. Your mother is with Candy, Marge, Cindy, and Bebe. Said she'll be back around noon."_

_My face fell. Of course. She was never here much. _

_"Oh."_

_"Cheer up Bella! Look at all these presents." He smiled, gesturing to the loads of neatly wrapped boxes under the tree._

_I tried to smile. I don't think I fooled him. _

_I spent the next hour unwrapping gifts, but in all honestly, I had no idea what I had opened. I was still upset that my own mother would rather be with her friends than me on Christmas. _

_Next to me I heard Phil cough._

_"Bella. Did you get me a present?"_

_Oh. No. I didn't. But, mom always took care of that sort of thing. _

_"Uh...No. I mean, doesn't mom usually buy you one?" I asked._

_"Yes, yes she does. But I want a present from YOU." _

_"Well, I mean, I didn't get you anything. I can buy something tomorrow. I'm so sorry Phil!" I felt kind of bad, but how was I to know I was supposed to get him a present!?_

_He came and sat next to me own the floor. _

_"It's okay Bella, there's still a present you can give me." He said, tucking a lock of my hair behind my ear._

_Okay, creeping me out. _

_"Wha- What's that?" I cleared my throat._

_"Have you ever heard of virginity before Bella?"_

_I gulped. Yes, yes I had._

I couldn't very well fight him off, but I did try. Nothing worked. He got his 'gift'. He stole it from me. He took it. My mother came home later than noon that day. She didn't make it back until nearly midnight. I didn't even see my mother on Christmas. I was balled up on my bed on the verge of sleep, all cried out. My eyes were nearly swollen shut. And that blood stain. That blood stain was RIGHT THERE in the middle of the bed, taunting me. My body was covered in a big t-shirt, and my hair was a mess. It smelt like stale sex. God that smell, I'll never forget that smell. Sweat mixed with the smell of pennies, coppery blood. It made me want to vomit.

My mother walked in. She took me in. She looked at the stain on the sheets. She noticed the condom wrapper hidden under my bed. She noticed a tube sock labeled 'Phil' up the side. She noticed _the smell _. But all she did was say, "Oh honey. I'm sorry I missed Christmas. I lost track of time. I'll make it up to you." She tried to play it off as her not being there for Christmas that got me so upset. But now I KNEW she knew at that moment. It made that memory so much more terrifying in a way.

I decided right then, I was not going to think about the rapes. They never happened. I just wanted to forget them. I wanted to wipe them away...but at last, I knew I couldn't. Try as hard as I might those terrifying years would always be a part of me. They had taken their tole. I wasn't the same. I would never be the same. I was a zombie. Phil killed me, but never completely buried me. That's what I was waiting for. Not for my life to restart, or for things to get better, but for what would finally do me off. But I would try to forget as much as I was able. And no one would ever know besides Phil, Renee, and me.

Going to Forks was the last option I had. It would probably end terribly, now I could see it was actually a horrible idea! damn! What was I fucking thinking!? Alice, Emmett, Jasper....Edward. They'd obviously be around. I mean, god, we had been best friends for 12 years. Wouldn't they want to know why I stopped mailing them letters? Stopped calling Charlie? I guess I'd just have to see. One thing was certain, I was not the same Bella. I hope they wouldn't need to find that out. Maybe They'd leave me alone. I could only hope. I knew that hoping was in vain.

* * *

**Okay I'll answer some questions but first....if you have questions, or concerns, or comments, please tell me. Also if you think you have an idea for something that should happen in this story, tell me. I'm open to ideas, I love them.**

**So some questions people asked.**

**Do you have any experience with this stuff? **

**I'm assuming you mean the subject matter such as drugs, drinking, cutting, rape? If that is what you're asking, then my answer is yes...and no. Drugs? No way, never will. Drinking? Nope. Rape? No, thank God. Cutting? Yes. Lots and lots of experience. Not anymore though. But I have about 4 1/2 years of that type of experience.**

**Second question: When will Edward come in?**

**Be patient! Edward is coming in the next chapter. But here you kind of got some of him huh? Bella had to tell some things before Edward could appear. She has problems. She had part of a past that didn't include Edward. But, he is in next chapter. His own POV actually.**


	5. Broken Bella, Broken Edward

**A/N: Okay...so here is Chapter 4...I finally got done with chapter 6, I was kind of stuck, had to change things with it. Thanks for all the reviews and alerts, and faves! If you want me to reply to your review just put reply at the end, I just don't want to like...reply and sound stupid if you don't want me to...anywayz. I won't hold you back from your Edward anymore.....here he is.**

**I do not own Twilight. I do own an extra hump on my molars which caused me to also own seven cavities! I think Stephenie Meyer got the better deal.**

* * *

I was walking around my things, looking for a sign. No, like, a REAL sign. Or something, because I didn't know if I would recognize Charlie, or if he would even regcognize me. My hair was in its natural waves, sticking to my sweaty forehead. My black shirt clung to my too-thin frame, damp, agian with my sweat. Okay, I was nervous. Very nervous. I was practically standing in a puddle. Well, plus I WAS carrying around my shit also.

"Bella?" I heard a gruff voice ask beside me. I knew that voice. I grew up with it.

I turned and found the face I hadn't seen in years.

"Dad." I breathed.

"Bella! I almost didn't recognize you, you've...changed." He pulled me into a hug. I'm glad it didn't last long, because I could already feel the panic bubble up inside me.

I knew he didnt' mean what he said in a good way. I had not changed for the better. I knew that. He saw that. I could already see the questions going off in his head 'What happened to you?', 'What's wrong?', 'Why haven't you called me in 3 years?'. But he didn't ask any of them, like I knew he wouldn't. I know I was going to have to answer that last question, but it would be at a later time apparently.

"Yeah. It's been a long time dad." I tried not to sound dead, but I don't believe I fooled him.

Oh shit. I saw it bubbling up. That tone had gotten his curiosity going. He was going to ask me a question.

"Bella? Are you okay?" He seemed to be searching my eyes.

I was not having that. I cast them downwards.

"Yeah, dad, Long flight. I'm just so tired. I can't believe I'm back here." I managed.

He seemed satisfied with that answer, for now.

* * *

"So Bella, I haven't talked to you in years. I tried calling." He broke the silence.

We were now sitting inside his police cruiser heading out of Seattle and towards Forks. It had been a silent trip...until now. Why oh why Charlie do you have to start this now! I can't run away! Fuck.

"Yeah, I'm sorry dad. I just...you know...got busy." I couldn't look at him. I knew I hurt him by not calling, but I just couldn't. Charlie might not show it, but he was hurt because of what I did.

"It's fine Bells. I was just worried about you, you know. The gang said you stopped writing them also. I figured you'd call that day....Christmas. But...you never called after that." Shit...he was on to me. If it wasn't fishy enough I stopped calling him that day, I also stopped writing my friends that day. Well Charlie. Have fun figuring it out. I'm not spilling anything.

"So you must be happy to finally be able to see the gang again, been awhile. You gonna go over to the Cullen's when we get there?"

I'm sure if Charlie was looking at me, he would have seen my panicked expression. GO over THERE?! Hell to the no. Nooooo. Nooo. No! Can't happen. They can't see me....but yeah. Might be a problem when school starts. Hmm...this wasn't thought through. Well, it was that or live on the street.

"Uhm...no. I think I'm just kind of tired. You know? Maybe some other day."

Suddenly Charlie turned to me like I'd grown three heads. "You don't want to see them?"

"I mean...I'm just so tired...the flight. I don't think I'm up to visitors."

"That's fine Bella. You can take a nap when we get home. You'll see them at dinner anyway." He tried to sound causal, but I could tell there was a hint of curiosity...probably wondering how I'd react....which wasn't good.

"WHAT?! You have to be shittin' me Charlie!" I yelled.

"Isabella Marie Swan. You will not use that language. And My name is Dad to you. Or Father, or Daddy, but not Charlie. And no, I'm not 'shittin' you. When Esme heard you were coming home, she wanted to make a special dinner. We've all missed you Bells." He sounded a little sad now.

"You told them? They KNOW I'm coming home?!" I was panicking now.

" Of course I TOLD them! Bella, what is wrong with you? You would've been ecstatic before, seeing them."

"Yeah, well, I'm not the same Bella I was 3 years ago. That girl's dead." And with that I hopped out of the car, as we had finally arrived home.

I was going to sit in my room. I was going to hide my stash. I was going to get a joint ready for later, in case I needed it at dinner. I was NOT going to cry at what I had lost....shit. I already was.

EPOV

"Edward! Eddddddie boyyyyyy! Wake the fuck up!!!!" I woke up to a loud booming voice....and shaking on the bed. Emmett.

"What the fuck Emmett! Leave me alone." I snuggled back into my sheets, before they were pulled off me.

"Dude. Mommy said you need to get up. We have company coming later."

This sparked my interest. What company would we be having over? Nikita and Peter never came over. The Hales preferred their place for get togethers. They were snobs like that. And Charlie was always over...nothing special.

"Who?"

Emmett looked away from me, sighed, and took a seat on my leather sofa. He still wouldn't look me in the eye. Who the fuck was coming?!

"Emmett, who the fuck is it?" I was getting irritated.

"Bella. She's home."

My heart suddenly cracked, and split open. Pain. I hadn't heard from Bella in 3 years. 3 YEARS! She just stopped. Stopped writing, stopped calling her dad. Didn't even come visit once since she moved to Arizona.

"Like for a week or something?" I managed to squeak out.

Emmett looked me dead in the eye, "No Edward. For good."

For good. That meant, I'd see her often. At school too. I'd have to feel the sting of rejection, and the anger she made simmer down deep for as long as we both stayed in this god forsaken town.

"Yeah, so? Why the fuck did you wake me up just to tell me SHE was coming for dinner? I don't give a rats ass." I rolled over onto my stomach.

That was a lie. I cared. I just didn't want her to come over. Unless she was going to explain what happened.

"Pshhh. That's such a shit lie Ed. We all know you had a crush on her. We all know it was hard for you when she left. We all know you were devastated when she stopped writing." Emmett knew me to well.

"Yeah, whatever. She fuckin' just stopped writing! Just out of the blue! Never wrote back. I don't think she constitutes as a _Friend_ anymore."

"Ever think that maybe she had a good reason not to write Edward? That's just not the Bella we knew. To just stop. And this is not the Edward we knew either. The one that sleeps with all the skanks in school, sells drugs, smokes pot, drinks every night....." Emmett growled. He was still protective of Bella. She was like a sister to him. To Alice too. Bella was never a sister to me. It was always something more.

I knew Em was right. Bella wouldn't have just stopped writing, or calling her father. She had a reason. Something happened. Never heard from her after that Christmas. But I was still bitter that she wouldn't trust enough in us...in ME, to explain what happened. I'd get it out of her. I would. But I doubt it was something so bad that she had to stop without any warning!

"Yeah, did they just run out of paper in Phoenix? Because I don't remember hearing about a paper shortage Em!" I shouted.

I heard sniffles, which made me turn around, because fuck it! I've never seen Emmett cry, and F U if you think I'm gonna miss it. But it wasn't Emmett. It was Alice standing in the doorway, looking so small, with tears streaming down her face.

I shot out of bed immediately to comfort her.

"What happened Alice?" I held her to me tight.

"I went over to Charlie's....to see Bella." She sobbed into my shoulder.

"Okay. It's okay Alice....What happened?" I was curious. What had Bella done to get this reaction?

"He said Bella didn't want to see any of us right now. She was tired, and wanted to sleep." Alice squeaked out. That was it? She was napping?

"Uhm...Alice. That doesn't sound that bad." And with that she flew out of my arms, and glared at me.

"Charlie's in the living room. There's been a family meeting called." She stomped out of the room.

I turned back to Emmett, who was now glaring at me. What the fuck is with the glaring?

"What?" I asked innocently.

"You just don't fucking get it do you?" He screamed. No. No I didn't get it, because I didn't understand WHAT THE FUCK THEY WERE TALKING ABOUT!

"That's not like Bella. Something changed. Get it? Got it? Good. We're going to find out what."

"Maybe she just doesn't want to talk to us. Leave it alone Em." I shrugged walking out of the room.

I padded down stairs into the living room. Family meeting. With Charlie. That could only mean one thing up for discussion...Bella. And honestly I was sick of her dominating the conversations. I mean, god!

I sat down next to Carlisle and Esme. Across from us was Charlie, and Alice. Emmett walked over to sit by Rosalie, who I had just now noticed. Jasper was here to, sitting on the floor next to Alice's feet.

Emmett and Rosalie had always been together. So whenever they turned 15 and were allowed to date, it was no surprise they did THAT together.

Same went for Alice and Jasper. Me on the other hand...just slept with any girl that looked good to me. Lauren was the one I was stuck on right now. She was pretty good in the sac.

My thinking was interupted by a gruff cough, Charlie, "As you all know by know, Bella has come home. She's coming over for dinner later too."

"Yes, how is she Charlie? I'm so happy to have her home. She's like a daughter to me." Esme smiled. Of course. Traitor.

Charlie suddently became very serious, and his eyes looked grave. This seemed to wipe the smile right off Esme's face.

"She's changed Esme. She isn't Bella. She's not excited. I asked her if she wanted to come over here before dinner, and she said no. Then I told her about dinner, and she freaked. Bella cussed, actually cussed, and called me Charlie." Okay yeah. Had to admit. That WAS NOT Bella. She would never cuss or call Charlie...Charlie. She used to blush just saying Butt.

"I asked her what was the matter with her! Because the Bella before would have been jumping up and down! She told me she wasn't the same Bella she was 3 years ago. She said that girl was dead."

"So...wait. She said she wasn't the same Bella she was _3_ years ago. Not 5. So that just confirms something happened on Christmas 3 years ago." I said, to no one in particular, just sorting out the facts.

"That girl is _dead._" I paused. "Something didn't just happen. Something BIG happened. Something traumatic."

"Have fun figuring that one out. I see your having a meeting...about me? Let me give you all a piece of advice. Don't try to figure me out. None of you know me. I'm not going to tell you about anything that happened. If it even did." Everyone turned towards the voice. Bella. But it wasn't. She sounded dead. I'd never heard her voice like that. And her eyes, so devoid of any emotion....besides hurt. She looked so old. Bella had been broken, and I was going to find out what broke her.

* * *

**Okay, there, some Edward. He'll be more....involved now. And I did just get finished with chapter 6, like I said, and I noticed it kind of looks like this story might not be that long...you know how some stories are like, 30 chapters, or over 100? Well, since this is my first REAL fanfic, I'm probably not going to make it one of those epic lengths. I won't try to stretch it out just for the sake of a long story because thats stupid. Let's just see where it goes? It might make it to 30! Who knows? **

**Review about any questions or things like that...or if you just want to. Also if you want me to reply, just say so in the review. **


	6. Dinner Bitchouts & WTF wigouts

Okay, here's the Chapter 5. It's taking awhile to get new stuff written....There's alot of drama going one. Plus I've been busy reading so I can vote for the Eddies and Bellies of course. and, in the words of Bella, I'm feeling extremely insignificant. I know I have to practice in order to be a better writer, but darn it! I want it now! *pouts* Okay, so in this chapt things get kind of repetetive, but....like I said, I'm not a great writer .

I don't own Twilight, Stephenie Meyer does....well actually I do, but not....REALLY. But technically, I do own Twilight....but SM wrote it.

* * *

When I saw Edward for that first time, I thought I was going to hyperventilate. He looked even better than he did before I left. His hair had gotten bronzer, his eyes greener, if that were even possible. I could tell he had muscled up, and gotten taller. Well duh Bella, what did you expect? He's not 12 anymore.

I had been sitting at home. Worrying. What was I supposed to do at dinner?! I couldn't see them! This would not go well. I was going to freak out. Did they just expect me to pick up, and be their best friend again? Because that wasn't going to happen. I DON'T have friends anymore. I don't want them. That would just complicate everything even farther than it already was. I couldn't. I wouldn't. I wasn't THAT Bella anymore, I wasn't THEIR Bella.

I had gone down stairs, to find Charlie, try to get out of dinner. But then I noticed he wasn't there, but there was a note on the fridge.

_**Gone to Cullen's. Come when you wake up. **_

_**-Dad**_

Shit, dad! What the fuck! Ughhhh. I'm going to kill him.

So I decided to change my clothes, and made sure I had my joint. God. This can't end well.

* * *

I probably stood outside that door for 10 minutes before I had the guts to go in. Then I heard it. They were talking about me. ME. There they were. Sitting in the living room. Having a meeting. First I heard Charlie's deep voice.

".... been jumping up and down! She told me she wasn't the same Bella she was 3 years ago. She said that girl was dead."

"So...wait." Oh. Edward! His voice. It was still the same musical velvety voice I had heard for 12 years. Maybe a little deeper. I thought I was going to die right there. All I wanted to do was jump on him. But I couldn't. "She said she wasn't the same Bella she was _3_ years ago. Not 5. So that just confirms something happened on Christmas 3 years ago."

"That girl is _dead._" He paused. "Something didn't just happen. Something BIG happened. Something traumatic."

He was to smart. Always was. Don't try and figure this out Edward, please just leave it alone. Just don't.

And part of me was pissed the fuck off! They were having a meeting, in the living room, talking about ME! I mean, that is just....I don't know. I dont' have words. It just pissed me off!

"Have fun figuring that one out. I see your having a meeting...about me? Let me give you all a piece of advice. Don't try to figure me out. None of you know me. I'm not going to tell you about anything that happened. If it even did." The words were out of my mouth before I could control them. And there he was, his face. You know, bronzer and greener than before and all that bullshit? Yeah.

I really should have just pretending not to hear anything. That would have been better, because now Edward had that determined look in his eyes. When Edward was determined, when he wanted something, he got it. But he couldn't find out about this. I was broken. I was a druggie. I cut myself. I would disappoint them. I couldn't do that to them, it would tear Esme apart. Not to mention Charlie. He was a cop! I mean, how could you love a daughter who was a drug addict when you were a cop! He'd be so angry.

Probably would kick me out. Never want to see me again. Maybe he'd arrest me. No, I couldn't drag them into my troubles. They deserved better than that. Better than me. I would keep myself away, space.

We all stood there for a few minutes before Esme hopped off the couch. She caught me in a bone crushing hug, one that I grudgingly returned. Loosly though. I mean, I didn't want to be rude, or hurt her feelings! She was like my mother! I couldnt' do that to her. Space Bella, space. I chanted in my head.

"Bella dear, it's so nice to have you home. I made your favorite. Mushroom ravioli....kids, go sit at the table. Carlisle, Charlie, go get the food from the kitchen please. I want to talk to my daughter."

My heart melted a little when she called me her daughter. But I froze it back up quickly. Space Bella, space.

After everyone left, Esme put a hand on my cheek. She searched my eyes for a moment, and apparently found something she liked because a stunning smile broke across her face. Her thumb rubbed the spot right above my cheekbone.

"Bella. I know you're in there somewhere. I don't know what happened, but you know that Edward is determined to find out. He's kind of been like you. He's not been the same since you stopped writing either. Bella, I love you. That hasn't changed, even if you have. You are my daughter in every way that counts. Know that, no matter what, I will be here for you." She tapped my cheek lightly, before letting me go.

She turned away, but I caught her hand. "Esme. I'm sorry for everything. I can't...I can't do this to you. To everyone. Please make him stop. Don't let him dig. I'm not good for you, them, Charlie....I can't. Understand, please." I begged of her.

If Edward found out my secrets, I would have to leave. I couldnt' face them. I couldn't have them know.

Esme looked at me with sad eyes. "Bella. I can't make Edward do anything. Something bad happened, we can all see that, I'm so sorry-" I cut her off right there.

"Esme, it's not just about what happened 3 years ago...if something happened." I added quickly, I mean just because they think something happened, doesn't mean I have to admit it. "There are other things...you don't need to know." I squeezed her hand, giving her a sad smile.

"I love you Bella. No matter what. They love you, no matter what. Charlie loves you, no matter what. No matter what Bella."

"Okay Esme." I didn't believe it. I knew they wouldn't love me if they knew everything. They would hate me. But I didn't want to argue this point with Esme. Let her think what she wants.

* * *

" And then Newton spilled it all over Jessica Stanley! It was great! She was pissed off. Some funny shit." Emmett's loud voice boomed across the table, filled with laughter.

"Emmett Cullen! Language!" Esme scolded.

"Sorry mom."

I was seated at the end of the table, Edward at the opposite end. I could tell he was staring at me, but I didn't look up from my plate. Esme, Carlisle and Charlie were sitting on the right side, Esme closest to me. Alice, Jasper, Emmett, and Rosalie were sitting on the left. I'm glad I wasn't sitting next to Rose. It seemed she was the only one not interested in solving the mysery of Bella. Good. One less person I had to deal with. She was bitchy as ever. Some things don't change.

"So, Bella, I was thinking we could go shopping tomorrow! Get some clothes for school...spring break is almost over." Alice chimed up, eyes sparkling with hope. Ahhhh. God. Sorry Alice, I don't want to do this.

"Ummm. I think I have enough clothes....maybe some other time." Like never.

Her face fell. "Well, how about we just hang out then? You can come over and we can read those stupid magazines just like we use to and make fun of all those stupid celebrities. Like Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart!Did you know that apparently because his new co-star has a shirt knot, he's dating her? And Kristen's SO knocked up with his baby!"

*SIGH* She wasn't taking the hint. This one would be harder.

"I don't read magazines anymore Alice. Besides, I think I'm just going to unpack tomorrow anyway."

"Oh, Well, then we can go catch a movie in Port Angeles after you're done packing." She just wouldn't give up.

I was about to open my mouth to say something along the lines of ' I will probably be tired, it will take all day.' But Rosalie chimed in before I could.

"God Alice. Take a hint. She doesn't want to hang out with you. Don't sound so desperate! She's moved on. Obviously thinks she's 'to cool' be hang with you." She said in the most bitchy tone I've ever heard. She glared at me. GLARED! And I glared right the fuck back, because now Alice had tears streaming down her cheeks. I didn't want to hurt her! God Rosalie!

"Alice, it's not that. I promise. It's the opposite actually, YOU'RE to cool for ME." with that I scooted out of my chair,"I'm going outside for a little bit. Dinner was good, thanks Esme." I said politely. I needed my joint. I'm glad I brought it.

**EPOV**

"Rosalie, what the fuck!?" I was pissed! She made my sister cry. It was obvious to anyone....well I guess me....that Bella wasn't happy about turning down Alice. She didn't want to. It hurt her as well as Alice. Then Rosalie goes and opens her mouth!

"What? God, you know, I never understood why you all liked her so much. She's such a bitch." Rosalie scoffed.

"No, Rosalie, that's you." I said coldly.

Emmett looked conflicted. On one hand, Rose was his girlfriend, he loved her. On the other hand she just made his sister cry, and called Bella a bitch. Emmett was always very protective of Bella. Finally I saw anger win out on his face.

"Damn Rose! I can't believe you. We are trying to figure this out, and deal with Bella! Then you go and piss her off, and make Alice cry!" Emmett's large fist hit the table.

"Please. Deal with Bella. Just leave her alone! Maybe she just doesn't fucking like you anymore!" Rosalie screeched.

I was about to open my mouth again, before Esme's voice shut us all up.

"Emmett, Rosalie, Edward! If you cannot control your mouths, I suggest you go somewhere else. Now." She commanded, looking furious.

"Good idea mom, because I don't think I CAN keep my mouth clean with this little bitch sitting here. Fuck you, Rose." I threw myself out of the chair, slamming it to the ground. I don't care if she was fucking pissed at me, I'd apologize later.

I found myself heading for the front door, maybe Bella was still out there. We needed to talk....SHE needed to talk. I wanted answers, and fuck me sideways if I wasn't going to get them.

I tore it open, still angry about how my life had turned out so far, and saw her silhouette putting something in her pocket in a hurry. I heard her muttering. "Damn! Fucking shit!"

Wow. Charlie was right, she does cuss.

"Wow. Dirty mouth you got there Bella." She spun around to the sound of my voice. Looking totally panicked and like a deer caught in fucking headlights. What. The. Fuck. She didn't say anything, but I saw her calming down a little. I walked towards her, and her eyes looked away. I kept coming near her and she turned her head slightly so her hair fell into her eyes. She didn't want me to see her eyes.

But that was the only way I'd be able to see what was running through her mind, so I wiped her hair to the side, behind her ears. She looked panicked all over again.

Now I saw why. Her eyes were bloodshot....damn. She was high! Bella fucking Swan was high! On my porch....wow. Never thought I'd see the day.

"Are you fucking high Swan?" I couldn't call her Bella. Bella wouldn't do this.

"No, I've got allergies." She sneezed, as if on cue. Hmmm....

"Yes, because Bella wouldn't do that. I should have know."

She turned and started walking away, but I wasn't finished.

"But you said it yourself. You're not Bella. So I guess that means you're high." She stopped dead in her tracks. She turned around slowly, with a pleading look on her face. "You're a shit liar Swan. No matter who you are."

"Don't tell anyone. Please Edward." And that's when I saw it. The Bella I had known. My Bella. Innocent. Pleading. I saw it in her eyes, love, apologies, regret, guilt. She was sorry. She was sad. She didn't want it to be like this between us, but for some reason she had to.

I couldn't just pass up this opportunity. The window was open. This might be my only chance. I walked swiftly down the stairs to her, cupping her cheek with my hand. I saw, as well as felt, her stiffen as I touched her. Wonder what that was about.

"I won't Bella. Just tell me. Please just tell me. It's been so hard without you,and not knowing why." I needed answers.

She gently took my hand off her face, placing it back at my side. "I can't Edward. Please don't try to find out. Just leave it alone. Just leave me alone. I'm sorry Edward. I can't. I won't ruin all of y'all too. It wasn't anything you did." Her eyes were still open. She hadn't turned back into that Dead zombie yet.

"Bella, I promise, whatever it is, we won't hate you. I have secrets of my own you know nothing about. I've changed too. We can help each other. I want my best friend back Bella." And that was it. I saw the walls come back up. My window of opportunity was closed.

"You can't have her back. She doesn't exist." She turned towards her house, but I grabbed her hand. She didnt' turn to face me.

"Please." I whispered, knowing it was a lost cause.

"Let go of me! Let go of me!", she screamed, "Edward, let go of my arm!" She sounded desperate for me to release her, and I swore I heard tears in her voice. She was thrashing around trying to get out of my grip. I finally released her, shocked at what I did wrong. I wasn't holding her roughly or anything! I was just touching her.

Then she was gone.

What the fuck just happened?

* * *

So, I didn't really have alot of time to edit or look over this in comparison with the last chapters, so if there's a major error or something, tell me. I'm not that great with the....editing and finding better words for shit or whatever. So yeah....*shrug*


	7. AN About updating

A/N

Okay, so this isn't a chapter, but it's important.

* * *

FOR THE READERS OF HEADING HOME

I'm NOT quiting! I'm still going to finish the story, I just have alot of things going on right now, and school is about to start up. I promise to finish the story, I already have another 3 or 4 chapters written, and I have it all plotted out. I decided that since there would be big delays in chapters, that I would just finish writing ALL of them. So, when the story is finished, I'll start posting. I don't know WHEN this will be, but if you keep me or put me on alert, then you'll know when they're out. If my mother stops bugging me every time I sit down to write, it might not be that long before I have it all done. Also, keep in mind, I do read fanfiction too, so of course I'm currently reading updates left and right, and anticipating the epi to WA.

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FOR THE READERS OF FORNICATING WITH THE ENEMY

Well, I already have half of one chapter written. But I probably won't finish it anytime soon. Like I've said before when I first announced I was going to continue with it as more than a one shot : my focus is on Heading Home. FWTE was just a fun little side thing, mainly meant for practice. Does this mean I'll never update? No. I'll probably add another chapter or two before finishing Heading Home. BUT when I do finish writing Heading Home, my focus will probably shift to FWTE. So...I guess just keep on alert so you'll know when I post.....Which I already have quite a bit of alerts and faves, so, thanks for that!


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